There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
