I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
