i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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