somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
