Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
