I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
