Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
