ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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