I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
