How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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