We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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