You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
