I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
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Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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