I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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