I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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