Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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