Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have aggressive nipples.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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