I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
