Already got asked if we're dating
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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