I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
