I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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