I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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