no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize