we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
