cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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