bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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