What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
