So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
