If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
