I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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