Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
