I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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