My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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