I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
