i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
