I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
