arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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