Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Oh god it's open bar.
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