You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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