So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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