I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
