I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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