Got a toothbrush?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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