I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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