If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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