My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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