You're completely useless in the revolution.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
