i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
