Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
