I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
