if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
