Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
