Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
