Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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