I puked a lego.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And then my night got REAL pukey
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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