I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize