She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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