Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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