Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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