dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
