The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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