I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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