Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
