Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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