honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
