Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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