put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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