So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
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I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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