it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
