im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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