so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Farmville is her only friend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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