There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
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Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Still dying that you shit outside
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Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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