I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
