Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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