Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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