i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
my poor anus
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
