I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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